AN EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE FOR MARRIED PERSONS

Responsibilities to my spouse

• Have I cared for my spouse? Have I been generous with my time? Have I been affectionate and loving? Have I told my spouse that I love him or her? [Mary’s Advocates highlighted in blue patterns exhibited by abandoners]
• Have I been concerned about the spiritual well-being of my spouse?
• Have I listened to my spouse? Have I paid attention to his or/her concerns, worries, and problems? Have I sought these out?
• Have I allowed resentments and bitterness toward my spouse to take root in my mind? Have I nurtured these? Have I forgiven my spouse for the wrongs he or she has committed against me?
• Have I allowed misunderstanding, miscommunication or accidents to cause anger and mistrust? Have I nurtured critical and negative thoughts about my spouse?
• Have I manipulated my spouse in order to get my own way?
• Have I tried to bully or overpower my spouse?
• Have I spoken sharply or sarcastically to my spouse? Have I spoken in a demeaning or negative way?
• Have I injured my spouse through taunting and negative teasing? Have I called my spouse harsh names or used language that is not respectful?
• Have I physically abused my spouse? [Mary’s Advocates highlighted in red offenses that are legitimate reason for separation of spouses for the innocent party]
• Have I gossiped about my spouse?
• Have I undermined the authority and dignity of my spouse through disrespect and rebelliousness?
• Have I been moody and sullen?
• Have I bickered with my spouse out of stubbornness and selfishness?
• Have I lied or been deceitful to my spouse?
• Have I misused sexuality? Have I used sexual relations solely for my own selfish pleasure?
• Have I been too demanding in my desire for sexual fulfillment? Have I been loving and physically affectionate in my sexual relations or have I used sexual relations in a way that would be demeaning or disrespectful to my spouse? Have I refused sexual relations out of laziness, revenge or manipulation?
• Have I refused to conceive children out of selfishness or material greed? Have I used artificial means of contraception?
• Have I masturbated?
• Have I had an abortion or encouraged others to have one?
• Have I flirted or fostered improper relationships with someone else, either in my mind or through words and actions?
• Have I used pornography: books, magazines or movies?
• Have I committed adultery?
• Have I misused alcohol or drugs?
• Have I been financially responsible?

Responsibilities to children:

• Have I cared for the spiritual needs of my children? Have I been a shepherd and guardian as god has appointed me? Have I tried to foster a Christian family where Jesus is Lord? Have I taught my children the Gospel and the commandments of God?
• Have I prayed with them?
• Have I been persistent and courageous in my training and teaching? Have I disciplined them when necessary? Have I been lazy and apathetic?
• Have I talked with them to find out their problems, concerns and fears? Have I been affectionate toward them? Have I hugged them and told them that I love them? Have I played or recreated with them?
• Have I been impatient and frustrated with them? Have I corrected them out of love in order to teach them what is right and good? Have I treated them with respect? Have I spoken to them in a sarcastic or demeaning way?
  Have I held resentments against them? Have I forgiven them?
• Have I been of one heart and mind with my spouse in the upbringing of the children? Or have I allowed disagreements and dissension to disrupt the training, educating and disciplining of our children?
• Have I undermined the role of authority in the eyes of my children by speaking negatively against God, the Church, my spouse or others who hold legitimate authority over them?
• Have I been a good Christian witness to my children in what I say and do? Or do I demand one standard for them and another for myself?
• Have I been properly generous with my children regarding money and physical and material well-being? Have I been miserly? Have I been extravagant, thus spoiling them?

From: Weinandy, Thomas, O.F.M. Cap. (Executive director of the Secretariat of Doctrine and Canonical Affairs of USCCB 2005-2013). “The Two Shall Become One: The Sacrament of Reconciliation and Marriage. www.usccb.org, 2014.